Learning to Lose

The Descent is one of my favorite movies. The characters try to escape monsters while caving. The best part is that they try their best and still fail. That’s what interests me; how do you handle yourself after you fail?

Recently been watching Haikyu, a volleyball anime, which takes a deeper dive than most stories in losing. Which got me thinking about my own life. I’ve never played sports competitively, but I have gamed at that level. I’ve played on all sorts of levels: first, second, and scrub.

The experience at the top is rather mundane. I did my part on the team and we succeeded. After the excitement faded, we mostly enjoy watching the drama unfold on the teams below. But there are diminishing returns on winning. Consistently being on top takes an absurd amount of time. So much that you eventually realize how much you’re giving up to be number one.

Being in second place is definitely a mixed bag. You feel like you’re putting in the same effort if not more than first place but you’re on the losing end most of the time. The few times that you actually win, are great.

The times that your team is performing at their best and are still bested is where the emotions happen. Anger and frustration quickly manifest. I’ve been reminded from watching Haikyu how important of a role leadership is in tough situations, specifically losing. Because without leadership, things quickly spiral out of control.

It’s really hard to analyse situations at the time, but when you reflect upon the moments at a later date you really start to build the character you want to be. You’ll be doing a lot of reflecting when you’re constantly in second place because you’ll always be doubting yourself.

In Japanese culture there is a [makenai] never-give-up-spirit which seems to be ingrained in you as a child. Since I’ve been thinking about this topic recently, I’m wondering if the never-give-up-spirit is like the brute force method of enduring. Before I thought if you never give up, you’ll only succeed, lol. I’ve since realized that you may need to give up in order gain perspective.

And lastly, being a scrub – AKA casual. That’s where I’m at in my life at the moment. Unwilling to go back on the competition roller coaster.

Reflection is key. [side story] I remember when my friend James accidentally deleted my Marvel vs. Capcom 2 which had all the characters unlocked. I banned him from my house (for real). You need to reflect on moments like that because once some time has passed, you’ll realize what a fool you were.


Analyzing the Value of Time – Part 2

In junior high, I sold my Everquest account for around $3,000. I spent about 1 year playing 8-18 hours a day for a year (3100-3500 hours). I remember thinking at the time, “what kind of idiot would pay for virtual items?”

At the time, I was experiencing and exploring the game. So I never thought of it as work. All the road blocks and bumps along the path were over come by sheer determination and time. A trait I now realize kids have that adults lose.

Fast forward 20 years, all those annoyances I plowed through before I now consider work. My wife will ask me what I’m doing and I’ll respond with “work” while I log into my game to complete my dailies.

In order to be able to participate in the game play that I enjoy, like killing bosses, I must “work” tirelessly towards something that I do not want to do, like killing spiders. So with that in mind, I can begin to understand why someone would spend money on virtual items.

My feeling of ridiculousness towards digital transactions has waned to the point where I can now evaluate. If you talked to me three years earlier, I would have grinded for 4 weeks for a $30 item.

PS. I’d like to thank Prodigy(Tyler) and Ruby for supporting me with $$$ all these years.


Analyzing the Value of Time – Part 1

I’m nearing my 32nd birthday and I’am slowly realizing “time’s a runnin’ out”. So I’ve recently been wondering how to better manage my time. I’m still pondering about the value of time but I’ll let you guys in on what I’ve thought of so far. But before I go any further, I’ll preface this with “I’m living a fucking good life.”

To begin, I want stuff: Lexus IS250 (40k), 70-80″ OLED TV (8k), Bidet (1.2k).

Easy enough, right? Save up and buy said items. At a rate of, let’s say, 5k disposable income a year, I’ll have a Luxury vehicle in a mere 8 years. That’ll make me 40 years old. I have no doubt in my mind that I’ll love the car, but not enough to trade 8 years of my life for it. I could work over time to reduce the overall time. If I worked over time, I could reduce the 8 years to a mere 4 years or 2-3 hellish years. Great idea, right?

Over time is a slippery slope. If I lived alone, the decision would be easier. I would only be affecting myself and I guess my friends. Unfortunately, in terms achieving the car, I am married. I have another person to consider. Personally, I prefer to be married. I believe I’ll live longer with someone putting out all my fires; also I can buy way more shit if I live longer.

This is where I’ve been assessing the value of time. My wife and I both work 40 hours a week. Unfortunately, we both work different shifts so the time we have together is limited. The limited time doesn’t mean we do anything worthwhile during the time that we’re together. That’s the tricky part. If most of the time we do nothing, I should just work over time as much as possible to get me closer to the red leather seats in that Lexus.

Although, the Lexus costs a shit ton of $$$ it doesn’t really mean too much to me. It’d be like the icing on the cake, assuming the cake is still there when I went out to get the icing.

If I valued things based on their price, I think I’d probably find myself very “unlucky” all the time.

Lull Period

Widdle waddle. Mishy Mooshy. Thankfully, none of the games I’ve been playing have had much new content. So I’ve been working overtime to buy a new computer so that I can play and stream Final Fantasy XIV when it gets re launched August 27th.

I didn’t partake in the betas. Instead I lent my accounts to friends so they could try the game out. I can’t imagine the game being too difficult to navigate through content without playing the beta. So I sit here with most of my new computer paid for twiddle dee twiddle dum.

With the lack of content in Dragon Nest, I have been able to redirect my time towards other games, such as “Monster Life” which is Maple Story’s version of Farmville -I love these farm games~ Thankfully, a guildy told me that to play MS, all I had to do was load MS up before DN. Since I am able to play MS again, I am thinking about trying to hit level 250. A goal which’ll be sidelined for awhile. I am quite content with Monster Life at the moment.



Another game I’ve just recently picked up again is Ragnarok Online 2. Initially, I uninstalled this game after 30 minutes of beta testing. This game is incredibly slow paced and the controls are pretty bad. I rolled an Acolyte, in hopes to make a full support priest. So I’ll only have one attack skill ’til level 24. All I do is spam Holy Light to level up. This total lack of game play is reminiscent ¬†of another game that I used to play, Everquest. I also have one real life friend playing RO2, so I’ll stick with this ’til XIV comes out.

I’m not too sure what game I will be playing in the next few months, but I do know I will be short on time.